What was I going to write about? Oh yes...so Christmas is finally here and a year has finally gone by. I met an old friend of mine the other day. My friend is originally American but this is the fourth country he is residing in now. I remember how we both used to say that we just wanted to feel "secure" and "stable". How that used to be one of the reasons for living in a certain country."I want to be stable" and he would understand...he would nod his head and we would both stare off into the distance, wondering if we would ever feel that way. Many years have passed now and meeting him in yet another country makes me feel like we are both moving further and further away from our dream. He seems to have given up. He drank his wine in silence..."what's keeping you there?" he asked. "Nothing is keeping you there" he said." You can move if you want to".
Yes I can move.
I don't know if I'll move yet but I am definitely starting over in my heart and soul. One thing I learned this year is that we all have amazing strength within us as human beings and we just need to find a way to get it out of us.
This year, things spiralled out of control faster than I ever imagined and soon enough, I realized that I could only depend on myself to pull myself out of the hole I was in. Physically, I was able to smile, meet people and pretend I was okay. Inside, I was screaming "HELP!". So that is where I was, my heart broken into a thousand pieces, my soul totured....but...I knew, for fucking once in my life, I had made the right decision. Come what may, the time had come to move on.
It was amazing that it was during this time in my life that God had chosen to send so many beautiful people into my life. People met on trains, in seminars, on buses, libraries...and yes, even on facebook!
However, one person touched my life forever. I met someone who blew me away with an act of kindness that I can never repay. Someone who kept me stable...even if it was for a short time. I had never felt safer in all of my life.
Yes...another year has passed and again, i embark on another journey.
And hopefully I'll meet even more beautiful people and angels (and I hope you all do too!)
I wish you all a very merry Christmas!
Lots of love,