Thursday, July 31, 2008
I grew up far away, and none of them ever saw these transformations that had taken place. They never saw the books I read, the people I hung out with, the films I watched, the music I listened to.They never saw the things that made me angry or happy, or sad. They never heard me talk about my feelings about religion, life, the government...I grew up far away and they were not there.That is why they do not know that the waffy that used to climb trees with them does not go to church every single sunday. They do not know that the waffy that used to pluck every fruit in the neighbourhood does not care if Rukky is a lesbian....what I am try trying to say is that these people do not know me and I do not expect them to.
Therefore, I am always amazed when people think their childhood friends might know them best of all. How? In what manner? I totally agree that the connection and bond you form in childhood is not easily broken and yes, she/he would probably be the only one you can call in the middle of the night to help you out. Yes, I do agree with that. I know for sure that my childhood friends would never let me down. I can call any of them right now and they would not hesitate one second to bail me out of whatever situation I am in....but do they know me? do they really really know me?
I am not saying all the friends I formed in university or other places as an adult know me either....not at all....I can count maybe three people in all the different universities that I attended that even know my middle name.
All I am saying, is that very few people see us in our different phases...very few people would meet you in those phases and still think you are a friend. Very few people would see you grow into an adult and still think you are the coolest person on earth. Very few people...and a childhood friend you have not seen in a couple of years is not one of them.
I had a good song for this post but youtube is killing me at the moment.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
So what infinite wisdom do I have to pass on to my fellow womenfolk? What great advice can I give after these great years of youth and folly? I thought about this all morning....what should I write? Should I write about my catastrophic experiences with the opposite sex? The number of frogs and grasshoppers I kissed? Should I warn about that nasty ugly thing in between the legs of men? Should I write about that great pounding thing called heart...in the chests of men? What should I write about? I thought of all my favourite writers, my favorite philosophers, my favourite role models...what did they say when they turned thirty? Did they sit down and reflect over life? or did they embark on a road trip like my friend Atutu? Did they cry over past mistakes or did they dance for joy at the thought of the future? And so, I reached into my bag and read a book...my book of quotations...you see, I write down things I love to hear again...from movies, books, magazines, tv...even from conversations overheard...I write them down.
Anyway, so I look into this book...and I found a few things that I'd love to share....and perhaps by sharing them it would be easier to write down my own thoughts on my life...
You bear God within you, poor wretch and know it not- Epictetus
Many people asked me what I wished for today...and my wish was as complicated as it was simple. I wish to become a better person than I was yesterday. All I want in life, is to develope as a human being and I guess be the best I can be...as "armylike" as that sounds. I wish this, because I know for sure that the only person I can ever change is me. The only person I can ever affect to do anything good in life, is me...and so...thats about it.
"In desperate love, its always like this isn't it? In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners demanding that they be what we need of them and then feeling devasted when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place"
Yes, sometimes we all wish for people to love us just as much as we love them...we hang on to false hopes and most of the time, we hang on to pure bullshit. As desperate as we are to love them, and make them happy, it just does not work that way. Many times, the kind of love we want does not exist in the world of the other person...so while you are giving a 100% of your soul, even 5% of that person's soul might never get to you. A very tough lesson to learn, but once learnt, I promise living and loving is so much easier.
"Fate always gives you two choices, the one you should take and the one you do"
So what do I really know for sure? Well the one thing I am sure of, is you can only know yourself. At nights, when you are all alone, in your head, no one can ever get in there...no one ever knows your fears or worries...your past that fades in and out of dreams...no one can ever get in there...so at the end of the day...you are all alone with who you are. That is why, you can only be accountable for your actions in life. Your choices are the ones you shall live with...and you owe no man for them. You can never apologise for who you are or choose to be. People will love you, hate you, or manage you, but thats just the way it is. Quit apologising for your choices...you alone will have to live with them and not Mama Sikira from across the street. As a woman, I have been faced with too many choices in life and none that will ever satisfy everybody I know.
"It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than live an imitation of somebody's life with perfection"
And so, this is my prayer for myself today: Please God help me be strong in the direction I have chosen. Let me persevere, let me go through what I have to go through, but let me get there....let me get there...
I am thirty today.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Yeah, I am "intense"...so punish me for that. Punish me because I overwhelm you with my emotions and love...punish me because I dare to be me. Now you want me to be real...live in reality? Heheheheh, yeah, I can do that, how are you? how do you do?
Yeah, I can live in the real world, be cool, calm, collected. I can do that...its the easiest thing to do baby, so easy. Living in the real world is the simplest thing. Just look around you...we can all be the same, wear the same clothes, listen to the same music, have the same ideas, yeah...thats right, I can do this.
But I am not gonna cos your world sucks!
and yeah, fuck you too.
and while I am in the real world, this will be my summer song...
but this is how I feel
Saturday, July 19, 2008
a) Actually, there are no papers saying he is "divorced" because they were actually never married legally. Actually, it was a traditional marraige, therefore, since there were no "papers" from the very begining, there are no "papers" at the end.
b) Actually, they are not divorced "legally", more like they are seperated and even though he still pays for her upkeep, and she still bears his name, they hardly see, hence, it is more like a "divorce".
The truth is probably that you are dating a married man who likes to eat his cake and have it. He has his ever faithful wife kept away in a nice little home with his children somewhere while he is living the life of a bachelor or "divorced single guy" in the city. This is where the mystery lies. Are there any men in Nigeria that are actually divorced?
Ladies, lets hear your opinions on this matter.
My teenage years....damn.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Your sweet lips
and muscular arms
your bare chest
and strong buttocks
your loving hands
"I have missed you so", he said, gathering me into his arms and planting a kiss on my inviting lips, "where have you been?", no where...I have been here, waiting for you....
And all this is nothing but the pleasure of a shadow of a thought.
"I have missed you so", he said, gathering me into his arms and planting a kiss on my inviting lips, "where have you been?", nowhere...I have been here, waiting for you....
"waffy? you okay?"
"Yes I am, why?"
"why are you smiling?"
"Oh, it was the pleasure of a thought"
"No it wasn't...it was the shadow of a thought, yes, thats what it was, just a
In what seemed to be a moment
I wrote words from depths
that knew no depths
and every word had but a moment
to describe feelings
to describe reasons
why all this must be said at this moment
and when all was said, it took just a moment
for me to realise it was all a shadow of a thought.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
“So, what is this all about?”
“Oh, I am meeting Johan for coffee, just thought you might like to come along”
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Did he really send me pacesetters?
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
There is really no solution with these our African leaders oh. I don think the matter finish. We have to meet them on their level...all these English yarns...we can all write as much as we can... it is not getting anywhere..they just don't get it. Time to get local. Lets take it there.
Na juju be the answer. Anybody knows some serious Babalawo/Marabou that can make things happen? and...I am not joking...please contact me. Thanks.
P.S: The juju should be able to fly to other African countries...I will be willing to pay for "express delivery".
Saturday, July 5, 2008
It all started one night three months ago. I was tired, very tired. I saw her number on my phone and I did not pick up my phone. I just could not be bothered with a conversation at that moment. It is not as if I do not like my friend, Mary. It is just that sometimes, my brain refuses to cooperate with me. My brain decides that enough is enough and it would not matter if it was the president on the phone. Anyway, so I decided to ignore the intrusive sound coming from my phone. I did not switch off my phone but I put it under my pillow, then I put two blankets on the pillow and pretended my phone was nonexistent underneath it all. Now the next day, I could have called and made up a story about how I was sick or in the bathroom or I could have just said the truth…that I was extremely tired but I never called. Then a week passed and I still did not have any good reason for not returning her call. Then two weeks passed and I felt so horrible and ashamed of myself that I definitely could not call. By the time a month passed, I felt like the most useless friend on earth…how could I do this? Why don’t I just call her and apologize profusely for my stupidity? Or better still, I could make up the greatest lie of all time…that I was sick in a hospital bed without any means of communication whatsoever…or even better…I had amnesia…I could make up the biggest story ever, and my friend would forgive me. She would hug me and tell me how much she missed me, how she was so wrong to judge me so fast…I could do all that but I do not.
Instead, I am hiding in a strange building pretending to be waiting for someone all because I cannot face my friend Mary whose phone call I never returned….I am hopeless.